I haven’t really talked much about my escapades with therapy. It seems really personal, but at the same time I like being able to tell people that things DO get better. So I have to talk about it in some context.
There are a lot of things I talk about in therapy that I won’t talk about here though. Personal stuff is just that. PERSONAL. And it will more than likely stay that way.
I will say this: I don’t feel depressed anymore. I haven’t for a while. I don’t know if it’s because I have so much going on that I don’t really have time to dwell on things anymore, or if I’ve “gotten over” or worked through the issues I had that were depressing me, or if I’m just…you know…better.
However, my therapist was right when she said I have anxiety issues. I have had no less than 10 panic attacks in the past month, some of a lesser degree than others, triggered sometimes by things I do not understand. Three out of seven days a week I get “anxiety stomach” and try REALLY hard to make it go away. Usually it just has to on it’s own. She says I’m so maxed out with my anxiety that it really doesn’t take much to send me into an attack. And that is SO true.
Most recently, I had my dear friend (who is like, WEEKS away from having a baby) over for dinner. I didn’t see it coming, but just seeing her so pregnant made my heart race. Then we were on the couch talking labor and baby stuff…enter full blown anxiety attack. (Even recounting the situation right now is making me light headed.) I mentioned this to my therapist. By “mentioned,” I mean I got loud and talked fast and pretty much needed a paper bag to calm down. Next session (which won’t be for a couple of weeks) we’re going to talk about EVERYTHING. My whole pregnancy and labor will be discussed. And…I’m glad. I know that I need to work through my anxiety surrounding it so that when/if we want to have another baby I won’t have to be committed. The thought of having to talk about it all is making my heartrate go up.
::deep breaths::
So that’s where I stand. I’m better in some respects, and maybe worse in others. But I’m dealing. And I’m working on it. And so far, without medication. I will say I kind of wish I could be on something so I could avoid the anxiety stomach I get, but being without medication is also nice.
So, while I was in the New York with my pal Morgan of the818.com, I noticed her daughter using a snack cup that seemed like an invention from the GODS. Of course, as soon as I got home and got to Target (which, let’s be honest was about 20 minutes after I got home) I bought one for Abby. How I got along without it for so long baffles the mind.
Munchkin’s Snack Catcher. It’s like, $4 for the greatest thing you’ll ever get your kid. It’s lid allows their tiny hands to reach in and get out their snacks, but also keeps all that shizz in there so it’s not all over your house. Granted, when your daughter has a love affair with Cheerios….little round cheerios…some are bound to escape. But it’s still SO EFFING WORTH IT.
Now, as a disclaimer I was not paid to say this or did I get any compensation. Just one mom gushing to whoever wants to listen that this thing is awesome.
Our little Abigail is 10 months old today. TEN MONTHS. That means in two measly months she’ll be 12 months, aka ONE YEAR OLD. I’ve actually begun planning her birthday party and it kinda makes me want to cry every time I start designing her invitations.
I’ve decided she will most likely be walking or trying really hard to walk by her birthday. She has already crawled around our entire house which is nothing short of mind blowing every time she does it. She gives kisses, high fives, claps like a champ and feeds herself like a pro.
Seeing her grow is just awesome.
When you’re planning on having a baby, one really focuses on just THE BABY part of it. I never really thought about how cool it would be to watch her grow into a toddler and eventually a teenager and then adult. Like, the thought crosses my mind, and then she’ll actually hit one of those little milestones and it hits me like a wrecking ball. SHE IS GROWING UP. ALREADY. YOU’D BETTA RECOGNIZE, MOMMA.
This is a video from about 3 weeks ago when Abbers first began her crawling escapades.
Yes, the hubs is luring her with a crumpled up paper towel. You have NO IDEA how much she loves paper towels. Tearing them apart gives her great pleasure. We’re working our way up to phone books.
Also, the noises she makes at 0:43 make me smile. And you should stick with it till the end. BEST ENDING EVAR.
I haven’t been writing much lately. That has a lot to do with OMGIAMSOBUSY, but also that I’m just trying to spend as much time with Abbers as possible right now because she is learning so much every day that I can barely keep up.
Her list of new tricks, some new…and some refined.
She gives kisses when asked.
She waves bye-bye.
She says MMMmmmmmmum. Mostly when I ask her to say “Momma,” but is starting to say it more on her own.
She can drink out of a straw, but has troubles with drinking too much and thus spitting most of it out. On me.
She is a MASTER crawler.
She figured out a walker toy that my mom bought for her in about 15 minutes.
She holds her own bottle.
She can pull herself up on almost anything.
I just can’t get over what a little person she’s becoming. And we’ve already started planning for her first birthday. Someone pinch me.
That reminds me, Abby pinches and bites too. So, nevermind on the pinching. I’m sure she’ll pinch me in about 10 minutes.
Also, we plan on teaching her this, so we can submit it to AFV and make dollars. It will happen. Either that or I’ll teach her to ask for 4 beers, a la Pearl.
I’ve been talking about doing something to our bedroom for a while. And now I have all the pieces in mind to do it with. If I only had the dollars.
Anyway, my plan if I had the moola, would be:
The duvet/inspiration piece: CB2
Curtain fabric option: Amy Butler
Bed by Ikea.
Paint color by Behr.
Total just for these updates? $270 for the bedding and bed, probably about $90 for the fabric (and my own sweat and tears to make the curtains) and about $35 for paint. So…about $395.
We already have these dressers. We need new nightstands though.
Our dressers.
I would love to do this this fall. Only time will tell. We’re also pricing out how much it’ll cost to have the cat-piss carpets removed from our basement and vinyl or rubber “hardwood” floors laid in it’s place. I can’t wait until our house feels “done!” Then I won’t have any trouble staying home.
So yeah. It’s Friday and I’ve been home since Sunday. I had a lot of grandiose ideas about how to sum up my experience. And now, it’s sadly been so long that I don’t remember all the EXTREMELY FUNNY PARTS, because there were many. So, today I’ll try to wrap this up using bulleted lists. This weekend I’ll wrap it up with pictures. Kind of like a children’s book but with way more cleavage and wine.
Didn’t know Allison lives right over the river from me. WTF?
Jen & Allison won shit from Martha. Allison=crazy awesome toaster oven thingy. Jen=cute bracelet that is so small it will fit NO ONE. We decide Martha really and officially hates Jen.
Drank wine and ate springrolls. And drank more wine.
Grope-humped a dress form wearing a gorgeous wedding gown.
Took unauthorized photos of Martha’s offices.
Snagged the last of the swag bags.
Went to the People’s Party
I have faint memories of this. I blame wine. I finally met Beth Anne though, after knowing each other for years on the Bump. And also met Jill, who was being a trooper by dealing with crazy drunk bitches while she and her lovely bump had some gingerale.
Mandy and I checked the weather. Turns out, it was warm.
Didn’t want to go to bed, so Jen, Mandy & myself went to a place called Coffee Shop and ate foods and drank beers. And laughed. LOTS.
Friday
Woke up on the verge of a hangover
Got lost trying to find the Newbie Breakfast. (I know, right? Fricken NOOBS.)
Listened to a keynote after breakfast and watched Jen get mad.
Walked around the expo with Mandy scoring ridiculous amounts of free shizz.
Ran into my old pal Bruce Jenner where we had the following conversation Bruce: Hey, do you guys follow my daughter Kim on the Twitter? Us: Uh….YEAH. OBVS. (no we don’t) Bruce: She really enjoys it. You know, she works really hard on that! Us: <crickets>
Who works really hard on Twitter? I mean, besides Kanye? (NOTE THE SARCASM.)
Went to Getting Gorgeous. I’m not going to brag but HOLY CRAP. Alright, I’m done.
Watched that man-child you-tube sensation sing “Paparazzi” and play piano.
Looked at some fabulous art. Some of which I want to buy.
Cut in line to have the Bloggess type my aura/fortune.
Left the Gala because SNORE and then walked around Times Square with the hubs.
Saturday
Got breakfast with Morgan at Starbucks because we don’t believe in making it on time to meals.
Actually went to a session! WHOA. The one I went to included the Bloggess (I promise I’m not stalking her) and talked about story-telling versus the truth or something. Who cares. The Bloggess was HILARIOUS. And I actually feel like I might have learned something.
Ran into Lacey and finally got to meet her after following her blog for years. Yay internets!
Bailed on the afternoon to have lunch with the hubs and his brother. SUSHI! and then SHOPPING! AT BROOKLYN INDUSTRIES!
Got back to the hotel to go to a “special party” we were invited to.
Morgan and I got glow in the dark…uh…”special gifts.”
Went to Sparklecorn
I’ve talked about Sparklecorn already but HOLY CRAP I have not had that much fun in ever. My whole reason for attending BlogHer11 may just be Sparklecorn. No lie.
Rapped with Morgan
Twisted my ankle thrice pretending to be Beyonce in the Single Ladies video
Used peer pressure to make unicorn cakes smoke ciggys.
Party Crashed CheeseburgHer.
Ate a McDonalds Angus Wrap.
They are surprisingly good.
Said goodbye to people.
Got pretty damn emotional.
The timeline may be off, I may be missing people I met or things I did…but that’s what I recall.
Guys, seriously. I had the time of my life over the weekend. It really did remind me why I do this in the first place – to connect with others who lead a similar life to mine, with similar interests and similar profanity usage. I found all that and more…IRL at this conference. Every moment was worth it.
